An often overlooked part of mediator training is the use of language as a conflict resolution skill. The use of effective language is so important that we introduce it early in our mediation training. Words which inflame, imply a bias, or offend are best avoided. On the other hand, certain phrases tend to have a positive effect. For instance, framing an unresolved issue as "something to be worked on" is more effective than characterizing it as a "dispute."

One of the mediation techniques we teach in our mediation training is how to structure a question in such a way that the most favorable answer is a "yes," not a "no." We suggest that mediators ask, "Will that work for you?" not "Do you have a problem with that?" because ultimately "yes" answers bring the parties closer to settlement.

Although some mediators introduce many of their own opinions into a mediation, we think the better practice is to avoid judgmental language. Words like "impasse," "custody," and "concession" all carry negative connotations that impede progress in a mediation. Knowing how to select neutral language is a conflict resolution skill that is worth perfecting, because a mediator's choice of words can significantly impact the success of a mediation.

Becoming aware of words and phrases that are inappropriate in a mediation is the first step. Eliminating that language and substituting more effective language is a conflict resolution skill which improves with practice. The Coast To Coast mediation training provides you with many role plays in which you can practice using language that will help lead to a settlement.